Food Fight
by lilaclily00
Summary: The Elric brothers just have the worst luck. They couldn't find any new leads. They were being treated like they were just a pair of weird kids (as if Ed would admit it was true). But worst of all: they couldn't get out of the building. One-shot dedicated to Lynnxrider and all other people who have sent me a one-word-prompt!


**I don't think a one-shot has ever given me quite this much trouble before.**

 **I was _so_ excited when Lynnxrider read my story and actually _liked_ it and left a positive review and then- get this- she _left a prompt for me._**

 **I pretty much went: "KYAAAAAAAH :DDDDD OH MY GOSH YESSSSSSSSSSSSASOPLSFJOAVOBUAOIHIUHISUGWYDGASYUC *practically foaming at the mouth*"**

 **XD Okay, no, it wasn't _that_ bad, but I was indeed kinda freaking out in both excitement and worry over whether I'd actually make something good enough with the prompt!**

 **I used this opportunity to use some of my other old prompts, and, uh... I doubt anyone remembers actually giving these to me, but I certainly do. In fact, sometime within the past year, I went through the reviews of _all_ my stories and wrote down _every single unused prompt_ , which turned out to be an alarming number. Looking at these prompts this time around (I have stared at them before for far too long and found myself incapable of finding ideas for turning them into stories), they actually helped me a lot to create the plot. Putting so many into the same one-shot is new for me, along with doing more of a non-crack!fic-ish or non-drabble-ish one-shot, _plus_ \- yep, this is new, too, I believe- I wrote for 12-year-old Ed (and 11-year-old Al too, consequently) instead of one that is usually at least 15 or 16. I hope I did okay with that.**

 **Of course, she had to intensely beta (so embarrassssss cuz one of my fave authors had to read that train wreck of a draft!), so she gets credit for that. And points. I don't know what the points are for, but she gets them. Lots of 'em.**

 **Alrighty, this is a longer AN than necessary, so I'll just say that I'm listing all the prompts used (and their requesters) in the ending AN! :D**

 **On with the story!**

* * *

Intel of any possible mention of the Philosopher's Stone was not exactly easy to come by, especially in the first few months after Edward Elric was dubbed the Fullmetal Alchemist. Colonel Mustang was scrounging from the bottom of the barrel for ideas on how to keep the 12-year-old busy, and ultimately suggested asking State Alchemists at the other military headquarters around the country for information while he himself searched for more sources about the Stone. Ed grumbled about his commanding officer and his lack of originality on their train ride all the way to their first destination, while Al tried to cheer him up with the mention that this was their first time traveling so far on their own.

"He hasn't really let us out of the East's borders until now. It must mean he's trusting us more to take care of ourselves," Al chirped, his armor clanking as he fidgeted in excitement.

His older brother thought of how pleased the younger boy's face would look if he still had it, but blinked the image away and let himself revel in his foul mood. "Or he could just be thinking that the further away we are from him, the less responsible he is for our actions," he muttered darkly. He straightened his back as he thought of something else to point out. "Plus, we're about to go to _Southern_ Command! You remember how stinkin' hot it was in Dublith, right? I'm gonna die with this automail on!"

Alphonse's eyes glowed in concern as he stared at his companion's right arm. "It can't be _that_ bad there, right? It's almost winter."

"As far as I know, it's excruciatingly hot year-round. That's what Mason said, anyway," Ed said as he recalled what Teacher's employee had said to him back when they were training under her wing. They hadn't stuck around long enough to find out for themselves how the weather got during this half of the year.

Al turned his attention to the window, and discovered a change in scenery. "Um, if that's the case, then why is it snowing?"

The blond raised an eyebrow. "What?" He looked out through the window himself and found his brother was right; white specks were starting to fall, and a few had managed to cling to the other side of the clear glass. "That can't be right... Either this isn't normal or Mason lied to me."

"Well, at least it can't get too deep due to their usual climate, right? We'll be fine," Al assured.

* * *

Southern HQ was just as impressive and looming as all the other military buildings, and, unfortunately, had the same amount of stairs leading up to the entrance. Everything in sight appeared to be covered in marble, so the brothers were careful in making their way up the steps since the light dusting of snow made things a bit slippery.

Ed quickly flashed his watch to the confused guards in front of the security checkpoint as he and his brother walked into the main building. Both had learned within the first month of his certification to just ignore the odd looks they received everywhere they went and move on.

He sauntered up to the reception desk and grabbed the attention of the uniformed lady sitting behind it. "Would you happen to know of any State Alchemists that work here or are in the area?" he asked, attempting to sound polite but, well, forgetting that conversations are supposed to start with "Hello".

She raised her eyebrow at him, then glanced up skeptically to the helmet of the big guy behind him. "What is the reason for your visit?"

"I'm the Fullmetal Alchemist, and Colonel Mustang from Eastern HQ sent me over to talk to them."

"You're really the Fullmetal Alchemist?" she blurted in surprise, as if she'd just been told pigs could indeed fly. The blond felt himself twitch at the completely disbelieving tone. Apparently, the idea was inconceivable that _he_ could be the genius talked about in the papers. He sighed and held out his watch again, confirming his identity to her. "Wow! That's amazing!"

"Yeah, I know," Ed replied nonchalantly. His armored brother nudged him rather harshly for the complete lack of modesty, causing Ed to glare at him and rub his suddenly sore side.

"Well, I know of three State Alchemists who live in South City, two of which do most of their work within this building," she explained. "I can give you their room and telephone numbers, though I can't promise they will actually answer their phones, knowing how sucked into their work they get." She suddenly remembered he had a rank and tacked on quickly "Sir."

Ed ignored the last bit (with some effort) and nodded in acknowledgement of the rest. "If I could have that information, I'd really appreciate it. I'll probably start with the alchemists already here."

The lady nodded back and dug through some drawer in her desk while the pair looked around at the inside of the facility. They convened with her again when she'd finished copying down the contact information of the alchemists. Ed forgot to thank her before walking away, so Alphonse hung back and did it for him. She looked completely startled by how it sounded like there was a _little kid_ in that suit of armor, but otherwise made no comment on it.

Ed glanced back when he heard the receptionist sigh to herself once they'd both left her desk, then shook his head and focused on finding their next possible lead. _It better be worth it to have come all the way here._

* * *

Ed glared at the phone for a moment before hanging up in a rather violent manner. "I can't believe these people!"

"What did he say?" Al questioned quietly and carefully.

"The jerk thinks he's too good to talk with a couple of kids, even if they're considered prodigies," he spat back. "He was our last chance for finding something useful in this horrid city."

They'd already gone to talk directly with the two within the building, which went pretty badly too. The first was willing to answer questions, but had nothing about the Stone, and the second couldn't stop laughing at them long enough to be asked anything. Al barely held his brother back from clobbering the latter.

Then there were the weird _looks_ they got from everybody here. They already had had to deal with plenty of them back in the East, but not at this level. And not only were they being openly gawked at as they walked around, but people kept _confronting_ them with concerns with their appearance or lack of a military chaperone. One person even had the _audacity_ to _argue_ over their respective ages and heights! It was getting really, really annoying.

"We could check the library before going," the armored boy reminded, only getting a displeased grunt in reply. Ed then thought a bit more on the idea.

"Let's get a lunch break first, then go to the library." He twirled around to go back towards the main exit, his brother falling into step behind him. "Jeez, I can't wait to get out of this place," he muttered to himself, unsure whether Al heard him or not.

* * *

"What do you mean we _can't leave?!_ " Ed shouted in the soldier's face, his fists itching to clobber him. This idiot wasn't allowing him to leave the headquarters!

The brown-haired man dressed in military blue flinched back, try as he might to look calm and professional. "N-no one is allowed to leave the building because it's too dangerous outside," the man replied shakily, wondering why he was so nervous about this kid. Sure, there was something unnerving about his yellow eyes and seemingly murderous intent radiating off him, but come on! He was only half his size! And both he and his partner were dressed like _weirdos!_

"It barely snowed an _inch,_ " the blond argued with a angry yet skeptical expression. And he knew for a fact this was true because one of the hallways they walked through on their way back to the front entrance was lined with windows.

The soldier gulped and shook his head. "But all the snow's ice by now. Everyone in the area has been advised to stay inside so no one gets injured."

Ed's jaw dropped. These people were seriously so scared of a little _ice?_ Did they not have anything to remedy the problem? Even though snow wasn't all that common in Resembool, at least all the residents had shovels and salt! Everyone deserved to be able to go back home unless there was a full-on _blizzard_ out there!

"You _wimps_ ," he said under his breath as he turned away from the guard, since he looked like he wasn't about to budge on his orders. Great.

"What do we do now, Brother?" Al asked, linking his hands together anxiously.

He looked up with a pout set on his face. "I don't know, but I'm _hungry!_ " he whined back.

The suit of armor froze, then pointedly put its hands on its hips. " _That's_ your concern? Brother, we're _stuck_ here! What if they don't let us out till tomorrow morning? What if trains don't run until all the ice has cleared? Shouldn't you be more worried about _that_ than if you can get to a restaurant? They're serving lunch in the cafeteria right now!"

"...I hate the cafeteria," was all Ed thought to say in his defense.

Al let out a long-suffering sigh. "Too bad, Brother. You need food, and you can only get it from there."

The older sibling started a tirade of complaints, once again making the younger question who was truly the big brother around here.

"Fine. Fine! I'll take some of their _stupid_ food from their _stupid_ cafeteria and hope no one _stupid_ bothers us!" Ed ultimately declared before stomping off to the general direction of where they had spotted lines of metal tables and plastic-wrapped items on trays.

On the way, they went through the hall with a wall of glass again, and Ed stared out at the ground outside. "Look at it; they're totally overreacting!" It'd stopped snowing just an hour after it started, so there was only a thin layer of white on the grass.

"They must have a reason for believing it's not safe," Al shrugged, even as he himself wondered what was so scary about snow.

When Ed had paused too long while staring out the window, the suit of armor had a sneaking suspicion of what he was thinking. "No, we're _not_ getting out through the window, Brother."

"It's hardly that much of a jump," the blond grumbled, his foul mood going even fouler because Al could read his mind so well. He got nudged ahead, and both continued on to the cafeteria.

Alphonse was given the responsibility of finding and saving an open table while the elder Elric went to stock up a tray with all the food required for a growing boy (which usually ended up at least double the amount allowed before having to pay out of one's pocket, but it wasn't really a concern with the Elrics' salary). Al managed to snag a decently-sized spot just as a group of lieutenants left it after finishing their meals. He could hardly believe how his brother managed to come back a few minutes later looking even _more_ irritable. He slammed his tray onto the table, toppling the contents that had been piled high, and the blond plopped onto the bench with a huff.

"They questioned whether I was old enough to be getting my own food without an adult with me," he growled, scrunching up his nose.

"People will stop doing stuff like that once you're easier to recognize, Brother," Al consoled gently.

"Yeah, right," was the bitter reply before Ed tore into his first sandwich.

Hardly a minute passed by before an officer passing by their table paused and turned to them. "Are you accompanied by a military employee?"

The blond scowled and suddenly stood, slamming his hands on the table. "I _am_ military!"

The man stepped back, startled by the hostile response. "But-"

"I am Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, the youngest State Alchemist ever. Yes, I am twelve! No, I don't wear the uniform because I don't care enough to! Yes, I am _older_ than him!" he shouted, suddenly pointing to Alphonse, who looked like he was trying to shrink in on himself. Ed paid this no mind, as he now turned to the rest of the soldiers in the cafeteria, who were staring at him already from the outburst. "You hear that?! I AM FULLMETAL! Now _leave me alone!_ " He punctuated his rant with dropping back down onto his seat, crossing his arms moodily.

The poor frazzled officer blinked at the red-faced kid for another moment, before finally stuttering out an apology and scrambling to get away from the table.

Ed glared at the spot where the man had stood before belatedly unfolding his arms and reaching for the carton of orange juice on his tray. He started calming down a bit once he drank part of it, but the peace did not last long.

"Twelve years old?" a man called from the table across from the Elrics. He _sounded_ like he was only curious, but when Ed faced him, he realized the man was, in reality, wearing a smug smirk far too reminiscent of a certain Colonel (even though he was blond and had green irises instead of those dark, soulless pits Mustang called "eyes"). Just that in itself made his blood boil a bit, but then...

"You're about as tall as my 5-year-old daughter."

"YOU KNOW WHAT?!" Ed threw his carton at the man without a second thought. "I'M NOT SHORT, YOU'RE ALL JUST FREAKISHLY TALL!"

The officer frantically stood up and gaped at his uniform once he was soaked with juice, but he didn't hesitate to then fix his disbelieving, almost mortified stare at the culprit. Ed merely preened in pride at his own actions, clearly thinking it hilarious to witness the man's expression morphing from shock to embarrassment and ultimately becoming unadulterated anger, while Al groaned in humiliation, raising his leather hand to cover his red eyes as if he wanted to shut out the entire world and disappear. The green-eyed man fisted up his hands and growled at Ed, whose smirk clearly said "Bring it on", then quickly picked up something from his own tray to meet the challenge. Chunks of cantaloupe took flight as they were aimed at the boy with the red cloak, but they missed their target. Instead, the fruit hit right in the back of the officer _behind_ him.

The profound silence in the room was deafening; if anyone hadn't been watching this group before, they definitely were now. The female officer pummeled by melon tensed, and everyone else inadvertently winced, as she felt the chunks and their juice slide down her back unpleasantly. She turned around slowly with an intense glare. "Who threw that?"

Both Ed and the other guy frantically pointed at each other, proving how immature both of them were. This only meant that she let out her wrath on both by handfuls of sliced cucumber and cole slaw. The spray of vegetable dragged even more people into the whole thing, and much too soon, it seemed everyone in the cafeteria was participating.

 _Edward started a food fight._

And he was thoroughly enjoying it, too. With almost childish delight, he earnestly scooped up a large amount of food, ready to throw a near-constant barrage of his handfuls at the officers.

"Oh no," Al whispered to himself as food continued to sail overhead, exasperated by the trouble his brother caused.

Ed focused his efforts on the people he recognized from annoying him earlier in the day. He was happy to have given himself a lot of ammo, which included many unnecessary desserts like ice cream. His fingers became sticky from the drying food juices of the items he'd picked up, as the liquids had soaked through his white gloves... Winry was gonna kill him for getting his automail so gross. _Eh, I'll worry about that later._

The heat turned up in the fight as officers decided to get personal too. They shouted out insults and war-cries as beans, pies, apples, and all sorts of other slob flew across the room.

"YOU STOLE MY SPINACH QUICHE! YOU MONSTER!"

"THAT'S FOR MAKING ME GO INTO WAREHOUSE 13!"

"SON-OF-A-DRACHMAN, WHO THREW THAT?!"

"YOUR MOM'S UGLY!"

"TAKE THAT BACK OR I'M TELLING MAJOR ARMSTRONG!"

"OH NO, _PLEASE_ NOOO!"

"This is awesome!" Ed grinned to his brother after ducking from a serving of canned peaches.

Al felt very frustrated with his brother. Why did he apparently only cheer up once total chaos ensued? "How is this awesome?! People here will now only think of _this_ whenever they see you and never take you seriously!"

"But I got _grown adults_ into a _food fight!_ "

"That is not a good thing!"

The blond seemed like he was about to retort when he got slapped in the back of the head with something slimy. He slowly turned around to find the source was his first victim-the one hit with orange juice.

"Don't think I've forgotten you, shortstuff," the older man stated, a smirk plastered all over his face. Ed felt for whatever got all over his hair, and his eyes widened upon the familiar shape of a cooked _shrimp_ stuck in his braid. He got hit with the remains of the soldier's main course, which contained the specific crustacean he heard the name of _every single time_ he had to talk with his commanding officer.

"What now, shrimp?" the officer taunted, unaware of the very dark plans being concocted within the blond alchemist's formidable brain, all completely achievable by the very person he decided was an appropriate target. He realized his mistake too late when, instead of getting all bark and no bite like he expected (especially because there was no more food on the boy's tray), the response was a wide, evil grin that fit far too naturally on the boy's face.

 _What? He looks like... he's about to_ eat _me,_ the man thought with disgusted horror, thinking back to the vampire movie his friends had convinced him to watch just a few days ago. Yet this kid was even more terrifying than that!

All that grin had led to, however, was a prompt tray to the face. The metal tray knocked the unsuspecting man out cold.

"BROTHER, WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

* * *

" _I am very disappointed in you, Fullmetal."_

"It wasn't my fault!" Ed complained over the phone, squeezing out the remaining water out of his hair from the shower his younger brother forced him to take after that whole mess. The younger brother, Al, sighed behind him because yes, it really _was_ his fault.

" _I had no idea food fights could result in actual injury, but you managed it. The general in charge of Southern Command sent_ me _one of his private's medical bills."_

Ed hesitated a bit. "I didn't mean to hit him so hard."

" _You threw_ metal _at him! You didn't have to take your State Alchemist title so literally!"_ The tone of the Colonel's voice, plus the sound of him thumping his fist against something (most likely his desk), caused the young blond on the other end of the line to flinch. Yeah, he wasn't getting out of this scot-free. " _You know what the general told me? His exact words: 'Your little demon of a pet alchemist caused all this.' He was just as mad as I am now."_

"HE CALLED ME LITTLE?!"

" _Not the point here,"_ Mustang answered, unamused. " _I trusted that you were_ mature _enough and ready to go further out on your own, but I was wrong. You are apparently completely incapable of not causing trouble everywhere you go. Can't go_ one day _without destroying your surroundings..."_

The alchemist donning red wilted at that, and Alphonse couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for his older brother, even if he was the reason for a lot of the chaos the Elrics dealt with on a daily basis. Colonel Mustang didn't have to be so harsh with him...

"I promise I'll make it up to you," Ed muttered, sounding a lot smaller than usual. Mustang apparently picked up on it like Al did, and finally decided to start giving the kid a break. Ed easily imagined the black-haired man rubbing his tired eyes as he chose his next words. The action was practically audible through the telephone.

" _Okay, fine. Just finish up your business there, and then come straight back to Eastern Command. I found a possible lead for the two of you. You owe me for not suspending you."_

"Got it," the elder of the Elrics replied before hanging up without bothering to say goodbye. He perked up a bit at the thought of a lead waiting for them, even though he didn't like the idea of owing that jerk anything. That meant they needed to work fast to see if there was anything useful at the library here. No more dilly-dallying. "C'mon, Al, let's see if they're gonna let us outside now."

The boy donning a suit of armor nodded and followed after his brother, only pausing for a second to glance back at the phone. He looked ahead at Ed's back, concerned about how he must be feeling after that train-crash of a conversation with the Colonel.

Ed must've felt the gaze, because he suddenly turned around, and observed the silence of his sibling. He then put on a crooked smile and knocked his automail fist against his brother's chest. "We're gonna show that pyromaniac that we can handle this job ten times better than he can handle the rain, 'kay?"

Al hummed out a chuckle, an invisible smile on his soul. "Yeah, let's do that." Eagerly, they went for the nearest exit and hoped with all their might that they didn't have to be trapped here anymore and be able to go to the library.

* * *

A particular braided blond was having a difficult time with one of the most mundane of tasks.

"Why are these bookcases so freakin' tall?! No one of normal height can reach that!" he growled, glaring at the hardcovered tome just _taunting_ him up on the highest shelf.

Alphonse finally looked up from his own book, his concentration burst by his frustrated brother. He stood up and walked over, then plucked the book off the shelf with little effort and handed it over. "There you go."

"Thanks, Al," Edward mumbled as he stared at the cover of the book in his arms, his face a bit red. They migrated back toward the table that had been their center of operations for the past few hours, which had small stacks of similar alchemy reads they had picked earlier from other parts of the library.

To save him from some of the embarrassment, Al commented nonchalantly, "It's not like there's anything wrong with your height; I just happen to be really big."

The realization that Al was actually siding with him on the height issue brightened Ed up considerably. "Yeah, exactly! Like I said, most people would have a hard time with getting books on the top shelves!"

"You are totally right, Brother," the patient boy agreed, happy to make Ed happy. It was the least he could do.

"Well, let's find out if any of these," the blond said as he motioned to all the books on the table, "are worth coming all the way here for." He was about to dive into the nearest book when a rather noisy soldier rushed through the front doors of the library, grabbing the attention of the occupants of the building within proximity.

"Uh, attention! Pardon the interruption!" the soldier shouted, making sure everyone looked to him. "I am here to inform everyone that due to the poor weather, we are not allowing anyone to leave until the conditions are better."

Ed widened his eyes, and quickly whipped his head toward the nearest window. Indeed, it had begun to snow again, much to his horror and dismay. As much as he liked the library, he _didn't_ like the idea of being told he couldn't get out if he wanted to, especially because of Southern _sissies_ who weren't willing to deal with a flimsy coat of crystallized water! Not to mention there wasn't any _food_ here!

 _Oh, we are SO going out the window._

* * *

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this little experiment! :3**

 **K, so here's the list of prompts with who they came from and where they gave it to me, which is probably more detail than people would find necessary (don't worry about the order)** **:**

Food fight (duh) _(Lynnxrider's review in "Fudge You"- I can't thank you enough for putting up with me)_

Ice _(NorthernMage's review in "I Don't Envy the Night Owl")_

Medical costs/bills _(NorthernMage's reviews in "Cabinet" and "Keychains")_

Heat _(CressidaRene's review in "Sugar")_

Snow _(CressidaRene's review in "Sugar")_

Ice cream _(CressidaRene's review in "Flamethrower")_

Vampire _(Sepapa's review in "Cabinet"- the prompt 'Winry' also popped up, but I don't think it really counts since I wasn't actively trying to use her name)_

Pet _(author12306's review in "Keychains"- I know the intention was to give Ed a pet, so maybe I'll try for that in a future one-shot ^^')_

Tired eyes _(ice shredder's PM- another prompt that half-counts is 'Lies')_

Flight _(ice shredder's PM- another prompt that half-counts is 'Whispers')_

Trust _(ice shredder's PM- another prompt that half-counts is 'Dark'; I've still got a long way to go in that list, bruh ;-;)_

 **And, in real life, I asked two people at one point for two prompts each (them unknowing that it was for a fanfic), and I was given:**

Television _(which I changed to 'Movie' since TV didn't exactly_ exist _yet, but movies have actually been mentioned in the manga before)_

Bookcase

Cantaloupe

Cucumber _(apparently, she was kinda hungry when I asked... XD)_

 **So... yeah. This was quite the project. And I still have so many prompts to go, cuz this only covered about half. ;-; I suck.**

 **I usually say here "I'm totally up for more! :D" but I'm actually trying to write a bit more non-fanfic stuff over the rest of the year, cuz it isn't really appropriate to show fanfics to potential colleges... and I'm a senior now... ;-; I've dreaded being a senior since I can remember, as weird as that may sound... Well, I'll do my best to write some awesome stuff and get into one of the colleges I want to go to! Wish me luck! *trying to be optimistic, but also kinda wanting to cry***

 **K bai! :3**


End file.
